


The Best Life

by Pebblish



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Because they're endgame, Childhood Trauma, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Maiko Week, Maiko because I love them, Pain, Pining, Sad Zuko (Avatar), Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pebblish/pseuds/Pebblish
Summary: "It's always been you! Always. It will forever be only you.""I'm sorry Zuko. This is over."Zuko and Mai are no longer together. Mai tends to her flowers, and Zuko has spent a year as the Fire Lord. His advisors are insisting he find a nice suitable girl to court and make his Fire Lady to rule at his side.This is going to be a long angsty maiko fic that will follow canon as closely as possible. If I mess up the canon here and there, please forgive me. This is my first Maiko fic I've ever written and I am so excited because this is one of my favorite Avatar ships.
Relationships: Kei Lo/Mai (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	1. Merciless

Zuko tossed and turned in bed, muttering. It was the same dream over again. He was drowning in fire, the oxygen around him burning up, and he was suffocating. The searing pain of the flames was one he knew so well- and no matter how he screamed and cried, thrashing violently in bed, the flames swallowed him, burning him beyond pain.

He woke in a cold sweat, tangled in the red silk sheets. He was having nightmares nearly every night now, and his one comfort when he woke violently from nightmares hadn’t slept in this bed in months. He clutched his head in his hands, his scar throbbing. It occasionally felt a phantom pain, triggered by an upset in his psyche. It felt like it was freshly healed, still throbbing and terribly tender.

He breathed out shakily, wishing Mai were beside him to cradle his head and comb her delicate hands through his hair, lulling him to sleep with a quiet hum, a song that he didn’t know the words to. But he was alone.

He swung his feet out of bed, rising slowly. Pushing a hand through his hair, he shuffled over to the door to his bedchambers. He opened it softly, slipping out soundlessly. There were two Kyoshi warriors stationed outside the door, and they turned to stare at him.

“Your Majesty? Is something wrong?” Both of them looked concerned, one of them resting a hand on her katana.

Zuko shook his head quickly.

“No, no, nothing wrong. Just can’t sleep, so I’m going to walk the palace grounds for a bit. You do not need to accompany me.”

They nodded, still looking worried and not wholly convinced.

Zuko pulled his bedclothes tighter around himself, bracing against the nightly chill. He could use firebending to warm himself of course, but he found that after his nightmares he couldn’t bring himself to firebend until he had calmed down and reassured himself he was safe.

The palace grounds were lit with ethereal moonlight, coming in through the columns, and Zuko breathed deeply. The night air was a boon for his nerves, the cold settling in his lungs and gently lifting away the heat of the flames from his nightmare.

He made his way to the courtyard, the familiar pond and tree with its branching arcing over the clear surface of the water. Settling himself on the grass, he fixed his eyes on the water. The moon was reflected there, with the tree branches looking like they were holding the moon. He closed his eyes, and tilted his head back, reclining quietly.

The gardens were rich with the heady scent of honeysuckle and roses, wisteria and hyacinth. Mai always loved this spot and tending the gardens especially. She always smelled of honeysuckle, fruity and warm, with hints of citrus. They’d lean against each other and she’d tuck tiny honeysuckle flowers into his hair, when he lay his head in her lap, enjoying the gentle softness of her hands on his face. Her eyes would always sparkle when he would stand up and shake the flowers out of his hair to attend to some business as the Fire Lord, and she’d giggle at his unkempt state.

He opened his eyes and looked up at the moon, loneliness settling into his bones, feeling a deep chill inside that did not come from the night chill.

He fisted the grass underneath him, screwing his eyes shut. It was beyond time to move on. Mai had made her feelings perfectly clear, and he would only waste away pining like a fool. He had a nation to rebuild, a family to tend to. He stood abruptly, gritting his teeth, resolving that he wouldn’t sulk and live a half-life over someone who had moved on without him.

x

The throne room crackled with heat, sparks rising up and popping, hissing ominously. The Fire Lord was in a bad humor today, and woe to those who awoke his ire.

The advisors were all clamoring, squawking like hawkgulls. They all insisted that Zuko must start the courting process with an eligible woman, to find someone to become his Fire Lady. He folded his hands in front of his face, his eyes glinting darkly. Zuko knew that the people expected him to marry soon, as most Fire Lords were already married before ascending to the throne. It made the people nervous to have a Fire Lord ruling alone, especially one so young. The flames rose higher as he considered, his temper growing unruly.

The advisors were sweating, the heat in the room more palpable by the second. They all knew Zuko had a temper- it ran in the family.

But he was not unreasonable. He knew this was a logical step, a necessary one he must take to cement his place on the throne. Especially with the insurrection of the New Ozai Society, someone to share the burden of ruling would reconcile his public image.

He breathed out slowly, the flames sinking, the hissing resolving to a quiet hum.

“Alright. Start looking for suitable candidates to begin the courting process. The Fire Nation will have a Fire Lady soon enough.”

The advisors scurried out, happy that the new Fire Lord was more reasonable than his predecessor.

Zuko closed his eyes, sucking in a breath. The fire surrounding the throne died abruptly- he no longer had the will to feed the flames.

The room was dark and gloomy, the air hot on his skin. He was alone once again.

An empty room is merciless.


	2. Orana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko sulks, and we meet the girl Zuko is expected to start courting.

Zuko chewed slowly, savoring the sweetness of the fruit tart. Kiyi fidgeted endlessly beside him, munching noisily on her tart. Her hands were sticky from the strawberry filling, and there was a smear of it on the side of her face. The rose petals that had been thoughtfully arranged on the tarts were now victims of Kiyi’s chaos. Ursa sat at the little table with them, fussing over Kiyi. When Kiyi shrugged her off, Ursa turned to her son.

“Are you feeling okay, Zuko? You look exhausted.” She raised a hand to frame the side of his face, concern rising at the bags under his eyes, the haunted look in them.

Zuko took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over it gently to offer some reassurance.

“I’m alright, Mother. I’m just busy with responsibilities- and I haven’t been sleeping well.”

He swallowed, looking down at the table.

“And you know I never sleep very well to begin with.”

Ursa didn’t take her eyes off Zuko’s face, even as he cleared his throat and stood up hastily.

“You have some food on your face, Kiyi.”

Zuko smiled warmly at his sister and brandished a beautiful, embroidered handkerchief, giving it to her gently.

Ursa narrowed her eyes, sizing up her son. Something was definitely wrong- he was trying his hardest to show no sign of it, but she could tell.

“Zuko, is it true you’ve started looking for suitable young ladies to begin the courting process?”

Zuko started, turning from Kiyi to stare at Ursa.

“Yes, I suppose it’s true. Where did you hear it from?”

Ursa shook her head, huffing.

“Sweetie, the entire nation must know by now.”

She stood, walking over to her son and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He was taller than her now- but she could remember when he reached no higher than her waist.

“Everyone will take a great interest in the process, I am sure.”

Zuko sighed, resigned.

“The whole thing seems unavoidable, but I don’t like it. I can’t imagine being with anyone except-“

He broke off, bringing a hand to his eyes in frustration.

Kiyi interrupted then, dangling the handkerchief in front of Zuko’s face.

“Here you go Zuzu! It’s really pretty, I hope I didn’t ruin it.”

She flashed puppy dog eyes at him, and Zuko smiled.

“You didn’t ruin it Kiyi. I enjoyed eating fruit tarts with you, but I think I have some duties as Fire Lord to attend to.”

Kiyi frowned for a second, then beamed up at him again.

“Let’s play in the gardens tonight! Can you show me more fire?”

Zuko nodded, grabbing her small hand and leading her to the door.

“Yes, but only a little bit of fire. You’re still very young to start learning.”

He knelt down at her eye level in the doorway, Ursa waiting for Kiyi in the hall.

“Let’s go slow with the bending, okay? There’s no rush to become a prodigy when you’re so young.”

Kiyi nodded, and Zuko smiled again, closing the door softly.

He leaned against the ornate surface, his face in his hands. When he looked at Kiyi, sometimes he saw a different face, one so similar, and yet one that made him dread the future. Another face at that same age, another sister pushed too far. He couldn’t go too fast with the firebending with Kiyi- he dreaded where it could lead.

He shuffled over to the table, looking at the chaos Kiyi had left from eating the fruit tarts.

Fancy fruit tarts with rose petals on top… they reminded him of a different time- not exactly a _simpler_ time and yet-

He examined the handkerchief Kiyi had used to clean her face and hands. Pink strawberry stains now marked the white cotton. He rubbed a hand over the small threaded roses, feeling like he was adrift at sea, and the little scrap of fabric in his hands was anchoring him.

He still remembered the day Mai gave it to him, presenting it on a picnic on the edge of the caldera. She had embroidered it herself with her signature roses, and had even rolled honeysuckle flowers over it, leaving the scent on the cotton. He had kept it with him ever since, occasionally taking it out just to examine it. The scent of the honeysuckle had long faded, just as any hope he had of Mai ever coming back.

He stuffed the handkerchief back in his pocket, feeling frustrated and angry. He felt like a fool that couldn’t move on. He _would_ move on. He’d find a nice Fire Nation girl to settle down with, and perhaps in time, he’d even develop a certain fondness for her. The whole thing would please his mother, the nation, his advisors.

Zuko stormed out of the room, leaving the fruit tarts and rose petals for the servants to deal with.

x

“Your Majesty, it’s an honor to meet you.” The young lady bowed deeply and rose to stare at him unabashedly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Lady Orana.”

His advisors had insisted that Lady Orana was the perfect choice for the next Fire Lady, that not only was her family wealthy, but they had been exceedingly supportive of his ascension to the throne. Not that Zuko had much of a choice at the end of the day. He felt like he was watching his life, instead of living it.

He had to admit she was beautiful. Orana had high cheekbones and a soft button nose, with piercing amber eyes and long black hair that was half pulled into a topknot, with the rest reaching down to her waist. She was wearing lovely pink robes that were embroidered with white peonies in silk thread. She looked strikingly similar to someone he had promised to push out of his mind- and yet he imagined _her_ in the soft pink robes, a pink peony tucked behind her ear.

“Your Majesty? Is something wrong?”

Zuko shook his head, clearing that _particular_ image from his mind.

“Nothing, Lady Orana. Why don’t you take a stroll with me?”

She beamed at him, and he offered his arm for her to intertwine hers through.

“The palace is just so beautiful. I’ve always dreamed of seeing the inside. But my family was never in good standing with Fire Lord Ozai.”

Zuko led her to the gardens, the sun high in the sky above them. Orana exclaimed over the flowers, stopping at a thicket of honeysuckle.

“What are these ones called? They smell divine.”

Zuko plucked a honeysuckle flower, staring down at the little yellow petals.

“This is honeysuckle. It’s a little native flower to the Fire Nation. One of my favorites.”

Orana turned to him, a small smile curving over her delicate face.

“Your Majesty, are you a gardener?”

Zuko shook his head, smiling slightly, amused at the thought.

“No, I just used to know someone who loved this garden and had a way with flowers. She taught me all the names.”

Orana examined his face, and cleared her throat.

“Well I don’t blame you for not being a gardener. I could never do that kind of muddy, grubby work. I have to keep my nails clean.”

She proudly held out a delicate hand for him to look at, her nails long. He could see she had never done a day’s hard work in her life, with the way they were unblemished. Even the nails looked perfectly clean.

She grabbed his hand, staring closely at the skin and nails. His hands were considerably different- they had callouses from firebending and the years he had spent in banishment, the rough training he went through to keep his skill with broadswords.

“Oh dear, Your Majesty. Your hands and nails need some serious care.”

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, grinning broadly.

“Don’t fret, I’ll help you with a moisturizing routine and refer you to someone who can clean your nails.”

He bit his tongue, knowing that any sharp retort would be unwise. He turned back to the honeysuckle bush, pulling his hand back from her grip before he could accidentally burn her skin from his temper acting out.

“I thank you for your thoughtfulness, Lady Orana. I shall endeavor to keep a better grooming routine for you.”

Orana grabbed a bundle of honeysuckle flowers, dipping her delicate nose to smell them.

“Your Majesty, you can simply call me Orana.”

She reached up gently to tuck a honeysuckle behind his ear, and met his eyes, her gaze softening.

He stared down at her, surprised at the sudden softness. She held up a hand to frame his face, her palm cool on his skin.

“I hope I can, in time, call you by your name, Your Majesty.”

Zuko felt a strange tightness in his chest. He hadn’t been this close to someone in a long time, or had someone be so open and wanting to spend time with him in this way since Mai had left.

“Yes, of course, Lady-“ he broke off, smiling sheepishly.

“Orana. You can call me Zuko.”

Orana smiled, and he smiled back, feeling something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He was excited- a little nervous- was he shy around this girl?

He felt flustered suddenly, ducking his head from her bright amber eyes.

“Forgive me if I seemed a bit rude or brash today. I was unsure about this whole thing.”

He intertwined his arm around hers, leading her to the turtleduck pond.

The clear water rippled with the slight breeze, and he contemplated his blurred outline in the water’s surface.

“I want to see where this goes. I want to try.”

He raised his head to see Orana beaming at him, her eyes shining.

“Yes. Let’s try.”

She rested her head on his shoulder, and the two stood there- where a year ago, he and Mai had stared at their reflections in the pond.

But there was no Mai now. He was over her. It was time to try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So we finally meet the girl Zuko is expected to court. I hope you guys haven't given up on Mai yet, because she's coming into the picture very soon! Even if Zuko has "moved on" there's a lot that's unresolved there, as you all can see ;)  
> (Lmao I hate Orana already for getting between Maiko and I WROTE her! Angst is coming soon!)


	3. Scheming in Ba Sing Se

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Iroh schemes in Ba Sing Se to unite our two favorite goths. Orana twists the knife.

Mai sighed, rubbing her hands down her apron front. The dirt wouldn’t come out from under her nails, but it didn’t really matter. There was no need to be manicured and perfect, at least, anymore. She lifted the potted orchid and walked over to the south facing window, placing it just so. She was running a finger along one delicate, pearly white petal when there was the sound of footsteps behind her.   
She turned slowly, her eyes widening in surprise. Standing before her was someone she hadn’t seen in at least a year- and one she hadn’t expected to see for many more, if she could help it.

Iroh stood before her, smiling widely, his eyes crinkled shut.  
“Hello, Mai.”  
Mai turned fully to face him, nodding in recognition, carefully masking her face into a look of disinterest verging on boredom.   
“Hello, Iroh. What brings you to Ba Sing Se?” She strode past him, back to the counter of the flower shop.   
Her hands busied themselves with arranging a bouquet of pink peonies, and she fixed her eyes on the soft petals, refusing to meet the soft amber eyes watching her intently.  
Iroh walked softly over to one of the displays, inclining his head slightly to sniff a bouquet of daylilies.   
“Did you know daylilies are my favorite?”  
Iroh gently stroked one of the blooms, his gaze softening.   
“No, I didn’t.” Her voice was nothing more than a soft murmur, unwilling to break the quiet atmosphere.   
Iroh smiled at her, his eyes shining.   
“They were my wife’s favorite. And they were my son’s favorite as well.”   
His eyes looked slightly wet, and Mai averted her gaze, allowing him a moment of privacy, not eager to see this man whom she considered family fall apart.   
“Lu Ten always liked yellow daylilies. He used to run around and pick them for his mother- and it was always a fight to make sure he didn’t eat them when he was small. The number of times I had to pull petals out of his mouth!”  
Iroh laughed heartily, raising a hand to wipe away a tear.   
“I always kept a patch of them growing in the royal gardens. They’re still there, well tended.”  
He fixed Mai with his piercing stare, and she felt like a deer in headlights, as if Iroh could see into her soul.   
“Though they do seem to be unhappy, even a little wilted without you there to tend them. You are far better than the royal gardeners at the palace.”   
She didn’t know how to respond, how to tell him it was difficult even to think about that place, that was so closely tied to her memories of him.   
Mai turned her back to him, picking up a small potted ivy.   
“Have you spoken to Zuko lately? He’s engaged, you know.”  
The pot slipped from her hands before she could even register it was falling, and it was a few moments after the pot shattered and the soil scattered at her feet that she came back to earth.   
“She seems like a good match for him. Noble family, of course. And her father was very vocal in his support of Zuko ascending to the throne. I’ve heard she’s very beautiful as well.”   
Mai cleared her throat a few times, working to bring her mask of composure back.   
She moved to grab a broom to sweep up the shattered pot and soil, pointedly avoiding Iroh’s eyes.   
She knew he was waiting for a reaction, and she didn’t want to give it to him. Call it stubbornness, or perhaps a petty stab at normalcy, as if she was anything close to normal without him near her.   
“Good for him. He finally found someone to put up with his temper.”   
Iroh laughed, and walked over to join her behind the counter, carefully picking up the pieces of the shattered pot.   
“Indeed. But he has changed since you left. He’s less impulsive. Less assured.”  
He raised his head and she met his unwavering gaze, knowing he could see her stormy emotions reflected in her eyes.   
“Ursa says that he doesn’t sleep well. Suki says that he wakes up at night, from nightmares.”  
Mai stood, looming down at Iroh. She didn’t appreciate him coming in here, interrupting her peace, her attempt at peace far away from the toxicity of the Fire Nation, of the capital. She didn’t appreciate how his words soured in the air, stinging her like the thorns on the tricky crimson roses she had meticulously labored over for a year.   
“I see now. Your aim in coming here, unannounced.”  
She clenched her teeth, her eyes narrowing.   
“You come to my shop, all the way in Ba Sing Se, a year after what happened, to tell me that he’s engaged. Are you hoping I’ll drop everything I’ve built here to rush to him and beg forgiveness?”  
Her voice turns to a hiss at the end, unable to conceal her open hostility at Iroh’s obvious toying with her emotions.   
“I am no chess piece in your game, Iroh. I won’t give you the satisfaction of any more than that.”  
She storms past him, to the storeroom in the back of the store.   
Mai hesitates slightly, resting her head on the cool wall, breathing deeply.   
It wasn’t Iroh’s fault she was still bitter and unable, perhaps unwilling to move on after what had happened. She shouldn’t have lashed out at him like that, used him as an outlet for her unresolved emotions.   
She ran a hand through her hair in frustrated silence, and moved to the wall of shelves. She selected a full bouquet, the brown paper crinkling in her hands as she walked back into the store.   
Iroh was standing by the window, pondering the city skyline.   
He turned at her approach, eyes alighting on the bouquet in her hands.   
She strode to meet him at the window, passing the bouquet into his roughened, wrinkled hands.   
“For you. I’m-”   
She looked away, rueful.  
“I’m sorry for lashing out at you. I know you are not the one I’m angry at.”  
She looked into his warm amber eyes, and smiled slightly.   
“Yellow daylilies. For you.”  
Iroh looked down at the flowers and smiled, the sincerity in his face unmistakable.   
“You are very kind, Mai. Lu Ten will like them.”  
He made his way to the front door of the shop, never taking his eyes off the flowers in his hands.   
“Come again, sometime. You can tend the flowers with me. I can put a pot of tea on.”  
Her request surprised her, but she couldn’t stop herself. She was secretly desperate for any connection to him, even one through his family, no matter how it affected her.   
Iroh turned to look at her over his shoulder, and smiled broadly, his teeth flashing in the afternoon sun.   
“I would like that very much.”  
Iroh disappeared out the door, and Mai slumped against the counter, sighing heavily. She could always count on the members of the royal family to royally screw with her emotions, her life, and her peace. 

Zuko breathed deeply, relieved to be in the Upper Ring at last. The journey to Ba Sing Se had been… less than pleasant, and he was eager to rest and recuperate. The act of entertaining Orana the whole way was even more of an ordeal than the test administered by the dragons to see if he was worthy of learning the secrets of firebending. She was a constant source of chatter, and yet he was duty bound to stay by her side, acting the part of the enamored fiancee.   
Not that she was unpleasant to look at, and her company was sometimes enjoyable. She was an accomplished master at Pai Sho, and she was deceivingly clever and ruthless in the game, always willing to put him through his paces when they were opponents. And there had been many instances when they had needed to kill time on the journey, and had turned to the board and tiles to curb the boredom.   
“I’ve never been to Ba Sing Se. It’s so beautiful, at least in the Upper Ring.”  
Orana clung to him, whispering breathlessly in his ear.   
“I do hope you’ve prepared comfortable sleeping arrangements, my love,”  
Zuko startled, flustered. Her hot breath on his ear had him coloring bright red.  
“Ah- yes! Yes, we’ll be staying at my Uncle’s home, adjacent to his tea shop.”  
Orana smiled, her eyes dazzling.   
“I am so excited to meet your uncle. From the way you talk about him, I can tell he’s very important to you.”  
Zuko shifted in the palanquin, moving to pull back one of the red satin curtains.   
His eyes scanned the surroundings, taking in the breathtaking gardens and impressive houses.   
“Yes. He was like the father I should have had. He helped me, guided me, in the years I needed it most. Without him, I’d probably be dead.”  
He turned back to her, and laughed slightly, remembering all the misadventures and near death experiences he and his uncle had.   
“I would definitely be dead without him there to rescue me.”  
Orana didn’t seem to understand, but took it in stride, laughing with him.   
He appreciated her trying, attempting to understand him. He knew he wasn’t easy to deal with, that he was a lot for anyone with his wild temper paired with the self-doubt that screamed at him. He was trying as well, trying to understand her bright, exuberant personality. She was never quiet, never brooding like him. His mother liked Orana, and Kiyi was slowly warming up to her (although she still asked him on occasion when Mai was going to visit so they could play flowers, or play knives, or so she could show Mai her new firebending.)   
It felt odd to try, to open up that dark part of himself that he had shuttered away for so long. It felt like opening up a house after decades of being abandoned and trying to beat out the dust and tear down the cobwebs. 

The palanquin jostled roughly, ascending the last set of stairs to reach Iroh’s little tea shop. Zuko stepped out of the palanquin, turning around to help Orana out of it, grasping her soft white hand. She kept hers firmly holding his as they made their way to the tea shop, Iroh smiling and waving at them from the front door.   
Zuko felt a considerable uptick in his mood just seeing Iroh, and he realized he’d been lonely without his uncle near him, to confide in and seek advice.   
“My favorite nephew!”  
Iroh scooped Zuko in for a bear hug, and Zuko felt his eyebrow twitch involuntarily.   
“Your only nephew,” he said, slightly annoyed.   
“Yes, yes, still my favorite. Now come inside!”  
He dragged Zuko bodily into the shop, and Orana was pulled in with Zuko, as she was still holding his hand.   
Iroh set them down at a table in the far back of the tea shop, bustling about with some excitement.   
“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Miss Orana. I’ve heard such wonderful things,”  
Iroh was his usual polite, charming self, and Orana was bubbly and excited, easily matching Iroh’s energy.   
Zuko could tell that Orana genuinely enjoyed meeting his family, and that she must know Iroh and his history, and even admire him- he could recognize that look in her eyes, as the one he often had when he looked at his uncle.   
Iroh fixed them his favorite jasmine tea, and settled down at the table with them.   
Zuko was content to sip his tea and relax, chiming into the conversation when necessary, but happy enough to see Iroh and Orana getting along so well.   
His eyes drifted around the shop after some time, noticing the bouquets on each table, beautiful flower arrangements, each one a different color and clearly a work of great passion.   
His eyes drifted to the front door at the sound of footsteps, and when he saw the figure in the doorway, he was sure his heart dropped to his stomach.   
He hadn’t seen her in a year. He wished he had forgotten her face.   
But he knew he never would forget that face, even if everything else was erased by time.   
Mai stood in the doorway, wearing long black robes, her hair pulled into her signature buns, carrying a massive basket overladen with heaps of flowers in her arms.   
Zuko couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, and she was equally frozen, her sharp gray eyes piercing into him, her lips parted slightly in surprise.   
Iroh looked up at that moment, sensing Zuko’s disquiet.   
“Ah, Mai! At last!” Iroh hurried out of his seat to usher her into the shop, and all Zuko could do was stare. Orana turned to look behind her, following Zuko’s gaze. Zuko didn’t see her eyes narrow at the sight of Mai, how the corners of her mouth turned down, a sneer on her face for a brief moment. But it was quickly replaced with a beaming smile as Iroh led Mai to the table.   
Mai was quite unable to shake free from Iroh’s iron grip as he led her farther into the shop.   
She wanted desperately to drop the damned flowers and run, or even leap out of one of the shop windows and get as far from that boy as she possibly could.  
He was still staring, she could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to meet them. Instead she kept her eyes fixed on the girl at the table, chewing her lip subconsciously.   
So this was the fiancee. She was very beautiful, even Mai had to admit. She was wearing pristine white robes with crimson honeysuckle flowers stitched into the fabric, her amber eyes sharp, a contrast to the fixed smile on her face. Mai instantly felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, her instincts sounding an alarm. Here was a person who kept their emotions very well hidden, behind a carefully crafted mask that she herself knew all too well. If Mai was a master at keeping her emotions hidden, buried inside, then Orana was similar, keeping them hidden, but putting on a facade that Mai didn’t. Mai supposed that others would be easily fooled by this mask, she knew better, perhaps because they were alike.   
She wondered if Zuko and his family had been equally taken in by this girl. Her hackles raised just thinking about it. The instant flaring of hostility annoyed her- why did she care so much who he was with?   
Why the hell couldn’t she move on? Wasn’t it past time to move on? How long could she keep pining after him while hating herself for how she wanted him?  
Orana rose from the table, bowing slightly.   
“Very pleased to meet you. I’m Lady Orana.”  
Mai held in a sigh, and smiled infinitesimally back.   
“Pleased to meet you as well, Orana. My name is Mai.”   
She worked to keep her voice as even as possible, no emotion coloring her tone. She knew how to hide her emotions well, no matter what she was feeling. This encounter would be no exception. She’d bury these damnable feelings of regret and heartache farther down that any other so that they’d never bother her again- and she’d seal off that part of her heart for good measure so that no one would ever taint those memories and emotions linked to him. She could keep him there, in that dark hidden part of her heart, as long as no one knew, especially him. And then they could both move on, into separate lives, growing into people that neither of them would recognize. Strangers to each other. 

Zuko rose from the table when Iroh kicked his foot sneakily, raising his eyebrows in a silent gesture.   
Zuko cursed his uncle in his head, recognizing this ridiculous situation for what it was immediately- Iroh had set the whole thing up, undoubtedly hoping that he would see Mai and they would reconcile and get back together.   
He cleared his throat, still unable to take his eyes off her. She was still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen- Orana, for all her merit, could never hope to hold a candle to Mai.   
“Hello, Mai. It’s been a while,”  
Mai turned to meet his eyes, her gray ones looking him up and down, sizing him up.  
“Yes, it has been. I heard the news from your uncle only last week, about your engagement.”  
Her voice trailed off slightly, and she shifted the basket of flowers in her hands.  
“My sincerest congratulations. I hope your union is a happy and blessed one.”   
Orana interrupted then, her voice jolting Zuko out of his reverie, and he averted his eyes quickly, fixing them on Orana instead.   
“Thank you so much! Yes, we couldn’t be happier. I take it you two know each other?”  
There was a slight edge to her voice at the end of her sentence that Zuko couldn’t quite understand. Was it jealousy? And what was that slight twitch on Mai’s face, as if she wanted nothing more than to stick Orana with one of her stiletto knives?  
Iroh chimed in, eager to break the tension in the room.   
“Zuko and Mai grew up together, they were childhood friends. But they haven’t seen each other in a while since Mai moved to Ba Sing Se to open her flower shop.”   
Orana shuffled over to gaze at the flowers in the basket Mai held, laughing.   
“So this must be the girl who taught my darling all about flowers! We’ve spent many days in the palace gardens, and he likes to name the flowers and talk about them. I can only assume you were the one who taught him all that.”   
Mai felt her throat constrict, and knew if she spoke, her voice would betray her. Not that she would be able to get any words out, let alone a sound. It felt like she had no air in her lungs. She knew Orana was saying these things just to hurt her, and as much as she wanted to scream or run or just shut down then and there, she couldn’t deny that the girl’s conniving was working.   
“I could never do gardening or flower growing, any of that down-in-the-dirt kind of work. It’s too much for me!” Orana laughed, a high, clear sound.   
She grabbed Mai’s hands on the basket, fixing her with her indiscernible amber eyes, the eyes of a predator.   
“You should do the flower arrangements for the wedding! I can already tell from the bouquets in your basket that you have a real talent for this kind of work.”  
Mai shrugged her off, her eyebrows raising involuntarily.   
“If you insist,” she choked out, turning bodily away from this menace to face Iroh.   
“Your bouquets for the coming weeks. They’re all prepared, just need to be put in the vases.”   
She thrust the basket into his hands, her insides churning, and she felt like she might wretch then and there. She had to get out, had to escape. The only thoughts in her head were to put as much distance between herself and him, between herself and this woman, this siren.   
“I’ll get going then.”  
Not able to stand one more suffocating, heartbreaking minute in that hellish shop, she hurried out, blinking furiously.   
She was chewing her lip and had her fists clenched as she fled, already fixing the storm inside her into a bottle, ready to put all of those emotions away with a cork and never face that shame again.   
The sound of footsteps on the pavement made her walk faster, until she felt her wrist grabbed forcefully, swinging her around to face her pursuer.   
Zuko panted, bent over slightly from running after her. His hair was in his eyes, his mouth open as he gasped for breath, but his grip was firm on her wrist, his touch warm.  
“Wait. Just wait, Mai.”  
He raised his head to look at her, and she felt a pang in her chest, like she’d just been shot with an arrow. His face was so vulnerable, his eyes so bright.   
He was shining in the midday sun, looking like some fairy tale prince come to life.   
“I need to talk to you.”   
Mai ripped her hand out of his grip, rubbing where his hand had touched her.   
“Go on, then.”  
She couldn’t stop the edge in her voice. She knew she couldn’t let her guard down, couldn’t let him get close. Hadn’t she been hurt enough times to know better?”  
Zuko’s eyes were shining, unshed tears glistening in the sun.  
“I can’t stop thinking about you. Dreaming about you.”   
He raised a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes furiously.   
“Every second of the day, I’m wondering- ‘what is she doing right now? Is she thinking about me? Does she know I’m thinking about her?’ and every moment I’m haunted by memories of you,”  
He turned away from her, clutching his chest.   
“I see you fucking everywhere. I can’t walk anywhere without remembering you standing there, smiling there, sharing that space with you.”  
Mai stood there, frozen. He’d never been this vulnerable before, not even when he had shared his insecurities over being the ‘perfect son, perfect prince of the Fire Nation’. He was laid bare in the sunlight, pouring out everything for her. She wanted to say anything, anything at all- but she could never be as vulnerable as he was being now- she had no idea where to start. All her life had been an exercise in cutting out, bottling up, and playing a fun little game of hiding all emotions, all passions, just like her parents had taught her to do.   
“Tell me how to live without you, if you’re not with me.”   
Zuko was crying now, angrily wiping away his tears as he stared at Mai.   
“Tell me how to forget you. Tell me how to stop loving you, and I’ll do it,”  
She stepped back from him, her hands clasping together.   
“This thing between us is over, Zuko. It has been for a long time.”  
His eyes widened, mouth parted. Tear tracks stained his face, and Mai knew that face would haunt her for the rest of her life.   
“I don’t want you to tell me these things. I don’t want to see you. I don’t feel the same.”  
They were all lies, lies!   
But they tumbled out of her mouth, traitorous lies that stung and felt like poison, but they were lies that would keep her safe.   
She turned away from Zuko and fled, not bothering to look back. She knew she’d stay if she kept looking at the way his tears were falling onto the ground, his eyes red.   
Zuko stared after her. He didn’t move for a while, just stood there, his tears drying on his face, his hands pressed over his heart like he could stop it from hurting if he pressed hard enough.   
It was over, then.   
Why had he chased after her? Why had he expected her to open up to him in return, for her to want him as desperately as he wanted her?  
The Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se was silent as he trudged back to the tea shop, pausing for a moment to rub away his tears vigorously, fixing a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!  
> I am so sorry that this chapter is so long overdue! Life got in the way, and my inspiration to keep this fic going was almost nonexistent. But I want to finish a fic for once, and you all are in luck because this is one I am actually going to see through to the end!  
> And it's finally picking up! Our two goths have finally seen each other again after a year, and both of them are angstier than ever!  
> I so badly want to shake Mai and tell her to tell Zuko that yes, she does still love you, she's just stubborn and never wants to admit to anything and also is still very heartbroken and needs some time, but alas!   
> Poor Zuzu :( he tried very hard to be open and vulnerable after refusing to acknowledge his feelings for Mai only to have it completely blow up in his face :((((   
> Also I hate Orana lmao- I hope you all notice the little things she says to Mai, what Mai notices that the rest seem oblivious to, and how conniving and hateful she really is- she really wanted to make Mai hurt in this chapter and I hate her for it lol.  
> Hoping to get another chapter out for y'all within a week, so please stick with me! I know it's been so long since this fic has updated but I love all of you for sticking with it and bearing with me. I promise to try to make it worth it!


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